Whenever we think in terms of speaking, our prayer or thought generally centers on what to say. We want love laced words. Our prayers are often for wisdom, discretion, kindness and appropriate justice in our communication. Less conspicuous perhaps is focusing on “when to say.” When to say something is a key component. It is not that something is the right or wrong thing. It is often that it is the right or wrong time to say it.
A disturbing example was at the funeral of our son. His wife, our daughter-in-law, was approached by someone who said, “You’ll marry again.” At the right time, that would be a very encouraging word; not then, not there. In fact, it was hurtful. A less disturbing example was a time when I saw someone, clearly not ready to get a full dose of the good news, was getting that news, ready or not. It was obviously excruciating news in that public moment with dozens watching and waiting for a commitment. Another example is telling someone in the heat of an argument, “You shouldn’t be upset. It is really not that big of a deal.” The fact is, it is then. Months later when it comes up in conversation you may both agree, and say with a smile on your faces, “We shouldn’t be upset. It is really not that big of a deal.” Timing is more important than we would like to admit or concern ourselves with.
Jesus told people, “No!” or “Not now!” in different ways on at least 6 occasions. He healed a leper and said, “Don’t tell” (Matt 8 and Luke 5). He told a crowd who witnessed a deaf mute’s healing (Mark 7) to hold off telling anyone. He told his disciples who had just stated with clarity that they understood that he was clearly Christ (Matt 16 and Mark 8) to wait until coming events unfolded to tell what they knew. He told a few disciples to wait until he was resurrected (Mark 9) to tell about his meeting with Moses and Elijah on a mountain. He told Jairus and his wife to keep their daughter’s healing quiet (Luke 8). He told demons to be quiet about who he was (Luke 4), knowing that they know and must ultimately proclaim. It just seems that Jesus was frequently saying, “No!” or “Not now!”
If you review those passages, you will likely see different conditions for the silence. In some cases, there was something to do first. In some cases, Jesus needed the ability to move without being restrained by crowds. In some cases, it likely had to do with testing pure obedience to Christ and/or the law. In some cases, it was to keep the wrong party from telling what others should tell. In some cases it was perhaps issues of letting the actions speak without the words. And the reasons roll on. The point is this. Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess. But, it is important to know what every tongue is to confess, when and how that is to happen.
I truly believe that God has given us wisdom for what to say and that most know what that is. I believe, however, that more people should pray about when and how to say it. Words that can sound arrogant and presumptuous at one time can simply be the raw truth spoken in love at another time. Words presented as answers to questions that no one is asking are taken very differently than the same words, with the same answers with the same people when they are actually asking those questions. Content in those cases is subordinated to condition.
May we be filled with the perfect words for the perfect time to bring a perfect response to those we love. We need to learn strategic silence and perfect word timing.
Matt: Your painful recounting of the words spoken to your daughter-in-law fit so well what I try to teach my students about funerals. We oftentimes mean to speak words of comfort but wind up exacerbating the problem. Sometimes the fewer words said, the better. It is amazing what comfort the familiar words of Scripture, a warm embrace, or a tear shed alongside someone can mean at such a time. Keep up the good work!
Brian
Posted by: Brian Hartley | March 22, 2010 at 04:18 PM